This morning Myra was being extremely difficult and refused to get ready for school. Very the drama, the crying without tears, the shouting, the running all around the room refusing to get into the bathroom. You know, the whole toddler being difficult scene. Enough to make Mummy shed some angry and frustrated tears. Even worse, I was scheduled for an important meeting at 9AM and there I was, running late. I certainly didn't have the time and the patience to coax her gently into getting ready for school and all her nonsense. And suddenly i just couldn't contain myself any longer and just lashed out at her. A slap on her arm, a pinch on the butt. I doubt it was even that painful, or perhaps it was?

What scared me was the amount of rage that was just dying to be let out. I almost went beserk, i think. Luckily I caught myself and took a deep breath. Gosh, I don't know what came into me, but I certainly didn't like the person that I was for that few minutes. I realize now that I'm really not that patient as a person. I suppose I should try to be more patient and tolerant to the fact that things don't always go my way. I feel like the worst mom in the world, and even now I still have tears in my eyes when I think about what happened this morning. huhu i never actually meant for it to happened, and i feel really bad about it.. Kesian anak mummy, pagi pagi dah kena marah...I bet she wished that it was GA who bathed her this morning, at least he's much more patient than I am and better with the kids..

I see now that despite what some people  are saying about how I should have more kids because they all turn out cute and cerdik and what nots, I'm the one who has to deal with everything and the only one who should make the call. Therefore, i should think that at this point in time, the 2 that I have is more than I can handle and should prolly stick to it for the time being, at least if I want to be a better mom, that is. I don't want to always feel harassed and resort to scolding and maybe beating (mintak dijauhkan) them. As people always say, quality is much more important than quantity and I suppose I'd rather be a good mom to 2 than a horrible and angry and harassed mom to 4. I want to be the mummy that they always come running to and be their best friend, not someone who scolds them for silly little things because she's too stressed out.. huhu..

:(( I can't wait to go home and hug her, but at the same time hope that she won't be so difficult at times. May god grant me the strength and patience.. Biler my wife aka the maid nak balik ni?

huhuhu...